Are you working on improving your personal boundaries? Are you fed-up of being walked all over?
If this resonates with you, read my blog post or watch the video below!
Having clear, healthy boundaries is something many of us strive to create, however most of us have our emotional boundaries tested at some point in our lives.
This may be a recurring theme in your life, or it might only happen with one person, or in one part of your life.
Why do some people push our boundaries?
Many of us are kind, caring people with lots of empathy, but on the flip side, we can have weak boundaries. Often this is because we might want to help, or please the other person, or might not want to cause a fuss. The pushing of boundaries can seem like a benign or gentle request, but somehow the way you are interpreting it feels unfair. In time, it can become obvious that our personal boundaries are not strong enough in some areas.
How it Feels to Have Weak Boundaries
When someone upsets you by pushing your boundaries, or requests something of you, you can feel pressured to give in. Perhaps it’s clear to you that you don’t want to do it, but you have not made it clear to the other person, perhaps to spare their feelings. However, giving in against your wishes, can make you feel annoyed with yourself, and at worst you can end up feeling violated.
Why Do I Have Weak Boundaries?
This pattern of behaviour often starts in childhood because you don’t want to say no or be left out. This can continue into adulthood and home life – for example with a partner or children. Being relaxed and fulfilling unfair requests can gain you a reputation. People push soft people – you might have been told that you are soft, or easy-going as a child and perhaps you have brought it with you into adulthood. On the flip-side there are people with stronger, clearer, boundaries. The same people who might try to overpower you, might think twice about doing it with someone else! This can make you feel resentful and it’s a sign that you need to strengthen your boundaries.
How Do I Strengthen My Boundaries?
Start with an audit so you can look at the different areas of your life and give yourself marks out of 10. Imagine that the number 10 represents the feeling you have when you say ‘I have very strong boundaries here’. In the same way, imagine that a score of 1 represents ‘I have no boundaries here’. A score of 5 would represent a medium boundary.
Now consider the following questions:
When you are stronger or more flexible with your boundaries? Which areas feel okay? Where does it feel like a problem?
If you find that you are unable to say no to requests at work, for example your boss asking you to do extra work – what number would you like your boundary to be? Maybe it would depend on the request, but you might have a strong boundary about your family time or your holiday time for example.
Think about the times when you know your boundaries were pushed, or worse still violated. What number did that feel like on your scale? Now that you understand how this problem is affecting you, let’s work on improving your boundaries!
7 Ways to Improve Your Boundaries
- Get a sense of what your boundary would be like if you could see or touch it? How does it appear to you? What’s it made of?
- Audit where it is weak and where it is strong – which areas, which people, which scenario/situation?
- Acknowledge and delve into the reasons why – beliefs, childhood, parents, family trait, learnt, innate? Make peace with this.
- Decide which one to work on first – which will make a huge impact? Starting with one person might create an enormous change across your whole life.
- Think of someone you know who you admire. Do they have good boundaries? How do you know? Find a good role model and try to emulate them. Get into their mindset and way of thinking. What would X do?
- Think of a time where you had a good boundary and what happened in that scenario? How did it feel to have it? What was the outcome? Where you happy with it? How do you feel about that situation now?
- Journal on this – watch this back and write about each question that I have asked – try 10 minutes of automatic writing for a few days – try not to think abut spelling and grammar, just write for an uninterrupted 10 minutes and allow it to flow.
Improve Your Boundaries Unconsciously
You can improve your personal boundaries easily by listening to my hypnosis recording called ‘The Bubble’. This recording helps you to tap into a place of safety, where you can build confidence in your words and actions. You can strengthen your boundaries by listening to the recording once a day. This bubble creates a calm, protective place of sanctuary inside you and can help you feel safe and secure. This is especially useful when you are working on your improving your personal boundaries.
You can view it here in my shop.
Next Steps in Improving Your Boundaries
If you would like further help with this or anything else, you can arrange a Zoom discovery call with me here. Or email me at zeenat@zeenatahmedpeto.com to find out about working with me one to one.
Watch the video here:
